Is this how He feels?

The last 24-30 hours have been particularly challenging for me. Peanut has been waking up to eat every 2 hours (or less), and she will get so upset, that she won't eat very well. She doesn't eat enough, then she'll have a hard time sleeping, and wake up before she has slept enough. When she wakes up, she's hungry, and the cycle continues. 

As I sat with our baby girl this morning, and she wouldn't stop crying, and she wouldn't nurse, I couldn't help but cry along with her. We were quite the pair. She's screaming, and I'm bawling. I finally gave up on trying to nurse her and started making a bottle. I just wanted her to have what she needed. 

I watched her get stuck in this cycle - the cycle of not eating and sleeping enough, and I saw how difficult it has been for her to get out of it. She can't do anything on her own right now, and God has entrusted me with this role to help discern what she needs, and try to help her get it. But what do I do when she won't take what I know she needs, what I know her body is desperate for?

What did I do? I started making the bottle. Then I prayed, out loud. I told Peanut that we were going to pray because the Lord loves her more than I do, and He knows what she needs. She kept screaming, and I kept crying. When she finally drank the bottle, I called a friend who loves newborns, loves Jesus and is a lactation consultant by profession. 

Would it be an overstatement to call this friend a lifesaver? I don't think so.

My friend talked through what was going on with our little girl, and then prayed for me and for her, and helped me determine a good course of action for the next day. No more nursing for the day. I'm going to give her bottles, help her settle down, and we'll try again tomorrow. 

One of the first nights that we came home from the hospital with Peanut was similar to today. I remember that Adam prayed, "Lord, help us remember that we are as needy for You as our little girl is for us." This morning as I watched my little one refuse the thing that I knew she needed - the good food that would give her health, comfort, sustenance and nourishment - I wondered if that's a little bit how the Lord feels with me sometimes.

He knows what is best for me and He promises that He will provide. (Philippians 4:19) He knows that I am like a sheep, gone astray and wondering my own way. (Isaiah 53:5) He watches me when I try to turn to other things to meet the needs He created me with, instead of trusting Him to meet them the way He said He would, and the way that's best for me.

I will fall short in parenting - I already have and I will in the future. But God is the perfect Father, He is the perfect parent. As much as I long for Peanut to eat that which is best for her little body, it pales in comparison to how much the Lord longs for each one of us to come to Him for life. He is living water, He is the bread of life, He is that which will sustain us , and He will never forget about us. (John 4:13-14, 6:35, Isaiah 46:4 Hebrews 13:5) He knows that I was headed down a road towards an eternity apart from Him, and He graciously intervened by sending Christ to die on the cross, so that I might have the choice to spend eternity with Him.

Somehow, by His grace alone, I made a decision nearly 16 years ago to accept this free gift, the same gift He offers to each of us. Yet I still make daily decisions to turn from Him, and go my own way. None of these choices affect my eternal destiny, as I am secure in His hand. (John 10:27-29) But I, like our little girl, refuse that which is best for me, from my Parent who loves me more than I can imagine. 

But, unlike Peanut, I know better. What a good reminder that I am in need of His grace, every day.